it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
