So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
