READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
