Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.