The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.