this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do