you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
