Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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