Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
