She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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