oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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