I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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