Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
