I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize