cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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