Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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