we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
