i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
