It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize