my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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