Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
