My nipple is on Facebook.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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