Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
