At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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