He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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