so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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