I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's the barista slut.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize