the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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