Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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