I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
