I wish I could teleport
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
