I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
