i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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