i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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