Cold hands, warm shart.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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