I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs