Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
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and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag