Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis