My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing