When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same