He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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