Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
