Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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