I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
