You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
