god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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