I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize