I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just pee around me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
