My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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