I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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