i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
