You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
