its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
