I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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