After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
