guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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