Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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