Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He passed out mid-signature
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
