i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize