Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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