dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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