one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
