I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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