Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dick has a subreddit
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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