she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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