How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
