So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
