I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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